


Inappropriate Uses of Frozen Items

by Aussiefan70



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 00:39:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12829575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aussiefan70/pseuds/Aussiefan70
Summary: I always loved those Choose Your Own Adventure books as a kid.  This is a very short fic that lets your mind take your adventure wherever you like.  Warning...its probably really a crack!fic.





	Inappropriate Uses of Frozen Items

“Dammit Hotch, that's cold!” his teammate complained.

“Well you insisted you had to be part of the takedown! I guess you have to deal with the consequences!” Hotch responded, mostly keeping a straight face.

“Of course I did...I’m part of this team as much as anyone. And how did I end up with you as a nursemaid, anyway?”

Hotch answered, with much less of a straight face than normal, and trying desperately to contain a chuckle, “I'm the head of the BAU….it would be wrong of me to delegate something this important.”

“Hmph...I really fail to see the humour in this. We had to take the unsub down, and we couldn't risk that he would move it into a public space and risk innocent bystanders!”

“And you did it so well,” Hotch replied, pressing the ice pack a little more firmly to his agent's injured body. “We caught the unsub, and with no injuries or harm to others...ummm, well except to you….and if you'd moved quicker, this wouldn't have been an issue.”

His team mate responded quickly “Hey, you have to admit the ruse worked. Just perhaps not quite as we had anticipated.”

“You're right," Hotch replied, “But really, how is it I'm applying frozen peas to your ass? Seriously, the FBI can't spring for a real ice pack?”.

His coworker snorted in amusement. “What do you expect, Hotch...we staged an ambush in a factory producing frozen vegetables….and you stuck me up on an icy access ladder. It was pretty inevitable I was going to land on my ass! Suck it up, butter cup and keep on icing.”

Hotch just sighed, knowing there was no easy answer or solution to the current situation and resolved to call EMTs to deal with his team member the next time. After all, butt icing wasn’t exactly detailed in his job description!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
So, choose the team mate and ending...and enjoy. You get to write the conclusion you choose in your own mind.

Option 1  
Dave Rossi: “I'm thinking you owe me a very nice bottle of Scotch after this, Aaron. There should be some recompense for breaking my ass while saving your ass, when the Unsub got the drop on you”.

Option 2  
Emily Prentiss: “I guess I owe you again. You killed me off and now you're freezing me to death, after I saved you from being shot. Hmm, this seems to be developing into a strange relationship.”

Option 3  
Jennifer Jareau: “Oh my gosh, did I just tell you, my boss, to suck it up buttercup? What was I thinking. Forgive me Hotch, apparently adrenaline derailed my brain!”

Option 4  
Derek Morgan: “Did I really tell Hotch to suck it up butttercup? Please someone shoot me now! Maybe I can pretend to be more injured than I am and fake passing out!”

Option 5  
Spencer Reid: (Feel free to take this wherever your mind may wander) “Oh my, I just told Hotch to suck it up..where in my brain did that one come from? Oh my god, he's going to kill me...or fire me….or stake me out on an ant hill! Reid begin hyperventilating, until he realises that the ice pack is being held in only one hand, while Hotch calms him down gently seductive strokes to Spencer’s ?????


End file.
